


The Twin Trepidation

by PrePsychPineappleLover



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, Shamy family, Shamy fluff, Shamy hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrePsychPineappleLover/pseuds/PrePsychPineappleLover
Summary: "She really tried then. Oh, how gladly she wanted to be able to smile and nod and feel this carefree rush of joy about pending parenthood. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she feel it?"already posted on fanfiction, too.Happy Shamy anniversary everyone! ;)
Relationships: Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	The Twin Trepidation

**Author's Note:**

> Everything you need to know is in the description already! :)
> 
> 10 Years of "diggin' the Shamy"... how fast the time has passed, right?  
> Happy Shamy Anniversary Day!

Amy had been holding her breath since Dr. Mable said the ominous words:

“Wait a minute… I think I see something else…”

From then on the nice doctor had been silent, wrinkling her forehead in concentration as she looked at the monitor.

Absent-mindedly, Amy had stretched out her hand for Sheldon to hold it. He wasn’t removing his eyes from the monitor, either, as he was grabbing her smaller hand, trying to see what Dr. Mable was seeing.

_Could there be something wrong,_ Amy worried _. Is the doctor concentrating so much because she thinks about the best way to tell us bad news?_

A cold shiver ran across Amy’s skin and this time it wasn’t because of the cold gel that the doctor had spread over her protruding belly. Sheldon noticed Amy’s shaking and briefly looked at her. His eyes were showing his alertness but he was squeezing Amy’s hand reassuringly, calming her down without any words.

Amy was in her fourth month of pregnancy. Today she had scheduled an ultrasound to find out the gender of her baby. She had been fine to wait until birth to learn if she was carrying a boy or a girl, but Sheldon simply couldn’t stand the tension. He explained that he needed to make preparations and that they couldn’t choose a new home for them until they knew.

Ever since they’ve won their Nobel Prize and Amy found out shortly after that she was expecting, it was clear to them that they would have to move. The apartment at Los Robles was much too small for them and a newborn child.

Both, Sheldon and Amy, had been thrilled by the news of the pregnancy. Amy maybe a little bit more because, with her only two months behind her bestie’s due date, her dream of collective breastfeeding with Penny was suddenly a very real possibility again.

Knowing that her age was a slight risk for their little procreation, Amy and Sheldon had been frequently visiting the OB-GYN, Dr. Mable, to make sure that the baby was growing exactly as it should be.

They both had to wipe tears of joy from their eyes when they heard the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. At home, they immediately asked for the Wolowitz’ ultrasonic microphone that Raj had once given them, so they could listen to the marvelous sound of a new, tiny heart pumping whenever they wanted. Sheldon, with his exceptional hearing, was sure at one point that he was hearing some kind of echo and worriedly pointed that out to Dr. Mable at their next visit. But after she performed some check-ups, she reassuringly told them that it’s most probably only background noise.

Now, Amy was remembering Sheldon’s indication again as she fearfully awaited the doctor’s opinion. Could whatever Sheldon has heard a few weeks ago be harmful to their precious little progeny?

The baby seemed to be a little shy ever since they were trying to see him or her on the sonographic monitor, always turning away and making it hard to identify anything on the pictures they took home.

It was then that the heated debate had started. Sheldon claimed ever since that the baby must be a little boy with his sensible hearing and that’s why he’s turning away from the ultrasound. Amy used to chuckle and call him silly for thinking that a human being, even if it was their certainly exceptional child, could hear ultrasound. She then vehemently held that it must be a shy little girl just as she used to be.

Two weeks ago, Dr. Mable had tried to settle the argument for them, but again she had trouble definitely telling them the gender. Back then, it looked as if Amy was right and the baby was a girl, but today, just before Dr. Mable had said this unsettling sentence, she was smiling as she was announcing that the baby was likely to be a boy after all.

And then a crease had appeared on her forehead and she said:

“Wait a minute… I think I see something else…”

It was probably less than a minute since she said this and Amy had recollected the days of her pregnancy so far. She was bracing herself for everything Dr. Mable could say now. She made a promise to herself that nothing would be able to shock her so much that she would break down crying.

There was nothing that could stop her happiness. It mustn’t.

Dr. Mable looked up and… she was smiling.

“Congratulations Dr. and Dr. Cooper…” she said. “It looks like you’ll be getting twins.”

“What?” Sheldon was uttering flabbergasted by Amy’s side. Her hand slipped from his grasp. Had he kept holding onto her, he would have noticed that all of her muscles had slackened at once. “Twins?” he repeated dumbfounded. “You mean…”

Dr. Mable was grinning happily now. “I mean two little babies. One boy _and_ one girl as it seems.”

“B-But… how… how couldn’t you see this earlier?” Sheldon complained. “We’ve been coming here for the last four months.” A small hint of contempt mixed with the surprise in his voice, as it often did when Sheldon held proof for someone’s apparent incompetence.

“I must apologize for that.” Dr. Mable said. “I am an experienced OB-GYN, but sometimes twins are hard to recognize, especially when they seem to be a little camera-shy. The second baby was always hidden by its sibling. But now they’re getting too big to hide. That also explains the echo you’d been hearing. It was another heartbeat.”

The genuine delight in the doctor’s voice began to affect Sheldon. A wide smile was forming on his lips. “Wow.” he uttered as he was observing the monitor in awe. “Two little prodigies. Two precious, perfect babies of mine. Oh…” he was beaming now. “Oh, isn’t this exciting, Amy?” He waited for her equally happy response and turned to her when it didn’t come. “Amy?”

She was solely focusing on her breathing for the last few minutes. Just in and out; something easy, something she could do.

In contrary to the prospect of raising two children at once!

The thought was increasing her heartrate, her breathing became audible. _No… no, stay calm. He’s happy. You can’t let him know that you are freaking out,_ Amy told herself.

With great strain she forced herself to smile. “Yes.” she said barely above a whisper. “Yes, it’s exciting.”

Sheldon wrinkled his brows. Nowadays, he was mastering the task of reading her feelings from her face. “Are you okay? You seem… shocked.”

Amy swallowed her panic and nodded quickly. “I’m just so surprised. I was not expecting… t-to expect… twins.” she said, deliberately taking care that she was keeping her voice even.

Sheldon seemed to buy it and smiled again. “Me, neither. How lucky are we, huh?”

Another strained smile that caused tears shooting into her eyes. Amy nodded. “Yes. Lucky.”

* * *

After Dr. Mable checked again and assured that both fetuses are healthy and normally developed, she sent Sheldon and Amy home.

Amy was aware that Sheldon was talking the whole way to the car, grinning like an idiot and pointing at the two clearly visible blobs on the sonogram picture. _Her babies_.

Sheldon was complaining that the doctor wasn’t able to see it earlier, though no real wrath was in his voice; he was too excited and happy to be mad. He told Amy about the statistically higher possibility to receive more than one child when women reach a certain age, but he didn’t think it would happen for them.

They had been trying to get pregnant for months, ever since Amy reignited the thought of having children in his brain when they spent time with Howard and Bernadette’s kids. But it hasn’t happened until the timing was perfect. Amy took the pregnancy test right after they returned from Stockholm and it came back positive. They couldn’t believe how splendidly everything fell into place.

Just as it did now… according to Sheldon that is.

It wasn’t until they were buckled inside the car and left the parking garage that Sheldon began noticing that Amy wasn’t really as talkative as him.

“Amy?” he asked and had to repeat calling her name to get a reaction. “You’re very quiet. Are you… are you feeling alright?”

Amy didn’t look at him when she answered, but intensely focused on the road instead. “Yes… yes, I’m still processing what we just found out, but… yeah, of course I’m fine.”

She could practically hear the ridiculous grin when he spoke. “Well, it’s pretty big news for sure. Oh, I wonder how our friends will react when we tell them. I bet they’ll be at a loss for words, too.” Sheldon laughed breathily.

Amy clasped her hands around the steering wheel a little tighter. “Uhm, I-I would prefer if we’re not telling them right away. You know… let’s keep it a secret for a while.”

“Why should we?” Sheldon protested playfully. “I honestly don’t think I will be able to keep such great news all to myself. You know I’m a pretty bad liar. What should I say if they ask how the appointment went?”

“Just…” Amy sighed, getting fed up with Sheldon’s excitement. “Tell them Dr. Mable still isn’t sure if we’re getting a boy or a girl.”

Sheldon nudged her shoulder softly to make her look at him. “Because we are getting both.” he grinned. “Clever. Oh, this is just perfect. I know we ultimately decided that fifteen children are probably a little unrealistic, but if we keep it up like this, we might just reach that number after all.”

“Sheldon…” Amy growled through clenched teeth, trying not to yell at him.

“Don’t worry, I told you I don’t expect you to go through the pain of delivering them all.” Sheldon chatted unconcerned. “Maybe now that Penny is experiencing the joy of motherhood she won’t be so repulsed by the idea of us renting her womb.”

“We are not having fifteen children!” Amy emphasized every word, clutching the steering wheel so tight that it felt like she was denting it permanently.

“Okay, calm down. There’s still enough time to discuss that… oh…” Sheldon exclaimed again, something else obviously occurring to him. “What if our friends want to see our latest picture?” He was pulling it out of his pocket again, looking at it with pride. “I mean, no one can deny that those are two separate little bodies, right?”

“Sheldon, would you _please_ just drop it for one second!” Amy shouted suddenly, swerving the car a bit with her outburst. “I’m trying to concentrate on driving here!”

His excitement deflated like a popped balloon. Silence filled the car and as Amy sensed the confusion radiating from her husband, she felt guilty for exploding on him like that.

“I’m sorry.” Sheldon said quietly into the thick silence. He folded up the sonogram picture, put it back in his pocket and clasped his hands in his lap. “I just figured… you’d be as excited as me and I completely neglected that our safety is endangered with me talking your ear off while you’re behind the wheel of a power-driven vehicle.”

Amy sighed again and forced herself to drive a little slower despite her agitation. Softly, she shook her head. “No… that’s not it. I’m… I’m sorry for yelling at you, I’m just…” She trailed off, afraid of finishing her sentence.

“You’re… what?” asked Sheldon quietly. And with an ounce of fear in his voice he realized, “You don’t sound very happy.”

Her lips trembled but she pressed them together, not allowing tears to fall yet. “Sheldon, could we please wait to talk about this until we’re home? I-I really do need to concentrate on driving.”

“Of course.” he nodded curtly.

She felt his worried gaze on her for a whole while, then he turned and pensively looked out the window.

* * *

Sheldon and Amy rode the elevator up to the fourth floor in complete silence.

Since she was pregnant, Amy was especially grateful that it got repaired just when she and her also pregnant bestie needed it. Riding the elevator also shortened the time of unbearable tension between them right now.

Once Amy turned the key and opened the door to apartment 4B, she immediately fled to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She continued to just sit there on the toilet lid and calm herself. She knew she had to tell Sheldon what was troubling her and she had to tell him right now. This was a talk, they _had to_ have; she wasn’t getting around it. Amy needed to be honest with him.

But what was she even supposed to say?

What was it that she was feeling right now? Dread? How dare her feeling dread when this was about her baby… her babies! Plural. Was she a horrible mother for being afraid? Why couldn’t she be as happy as Sheldon about this? What is stopping her from feeling luck?

A quick glance at her watch showed Amy that she’d been in here for almost ten minutes. Grimacing and balling her fists, she knew that she needed to get out there now. It was surprising enough that Sheldon didn’t come to knock on the door until now.

How would he react to her distressed behavior? Would he be mad at her? He certainly had every right to be, hadn’t he?

She felt a tiny kick in her belly, just as if her baby was telling her to get moving. She laid a hand upon her visible bump and wondered which one of the two babies was kicking. The boy or the girl…

_Two babies…_

Her stomach was in knots again as she stood up and quietly went out the door. As she entered the living room, she found Sheldon in the kitchen making tea.

Of course, that was his go-to method if someone was upset. Amy wondered if he was aiming to calm her or himself. Maybe he actually _was_ mad at her. Amy didn’t dare to make a sound and continued to stand by the bedroom door, wringing her hands nervously.

But Sheldon knew she was there; he probably heard her before she even entered but respected her wish of staying unnoticed. Finally, when he was finished with pouring the tea, he glanced up to her. An insecure, but friendly smile. He motioned for the sofa with his hand.

“Please… sit.” he said and Amy tentatively started moving towards the side of the couch that was closest to her. “I made chamomile tea. I hope you’ll find it soothing.” Sheldon brought the tea over and sat down to her right, handing her the yellow mug while keeping the blue one for himself.

Amy’s hands closed around the hot beverage and she immediately felt its calming effect as the chamomile scent filled her nostrils. She closed her eyes and for a moment she allowed herself to pretend that everything was fine. As if today was just a normal, calm evening she spent cuddling on the couch with her husband and watching a movie.

Sheldon’s careful voice disrupted the illusion.

“Why were you so upset after we left Dr. Mable?”

Amy opened her eyes. The time for excuses had ultimately run out. She had to talk _now_.

If she only knew what to say.

“Amy?”

Oh, this obvious concern when he was only saying her name. How could he be so calm when she was freaking out? Wasn’t it usually the other way around? Was it irrational of her to be so unsettled about this? Amy felt ashamed of herself and kept looking down into the hot steam of her tea. “I’m sorry… for being upset.” she whispered.

Sheldon set his mug down. His hands reached for her cup, too. As the tea was out of their way, he warmed her hands with his, holding them tightly, desperately trying to get her to look at him. “Amy, you don’t ever have to apologize for being upset. If you… if you would only tell me what’s wrong then I would assure you that whatever it is… you probably have some valid reasons to be upset. I know you; you’re the most deliberate person I know.”

Amy shook her head sadly. “This time I’m being unreasonable.”

“Regardless.” Sheldon promised. “I will listen to you. Just… look at me, please.”

Amy quickly glanced up, but immediately looked away again. “I feel so ashamed of this, Sheldon.”

He reached up to cup her cheek and raise her head until he was able to look into her eyes again. “Why, darlin’?” he questioned. “What is there to be ashamed of? Everything is going great, isn’t it? We’re in a happy marriage, we’ve won the Nobel Prize and soon… we’re going to be parents.” He laid a hand over her belly, smiling and obviously trying to make his spark of excitement jump over to her. “We’re getting twins. Isn’t that wonderful, Amy?”

She really tried then. Oh, how gladly she wanted to be able to smile and nod and feel this carefree rush of joy about pending parenthood. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she feel it?

Sheldon’s smile vanished, his face scrunched up to a frown and then his eyes widened in shock. “Amy… you… you’re crying.” he said frightened, wiping over her wet cheek. “What’s wrong? What can I do? Are those hormones?”

She shook her head almost unnoticeably.

“But it has something to do with the appointment we had, am I right?”

Amy took his hand from her cheek, clasped it in her lap and held his gaze. “Sheldon…” she finally spoke up. “Do you realize what it means… to have _two_ babies?”

Her question confused him; she could see it. “Well, of course.” Sheldon said and then added with a playful smirk. “I guess the more little Cooper-Fowler geniuses the better for the future of this world, right?”

If it was his attempt to break the tension then he succeeded… only it went off the wrong way.

Amy swiftly drew her hand back from him. “That’s the only thing you care about, isn’t it?” she exclaimed angrily. “Everything is fine as long as our kids are super smart.” Amy scooted backwards on the couch, out of his reach.

Sheldon furrowed his brows, wanting to get closer to her again. “N-No, I just wanted to—”

“And what if they’re not?” Amy interrupted him. “What if we’re going to have two normal, average children? Children who may cry the whole night. Maybe they’ll wake each other up with their cries. And what if I fail to feed them both at the same time and they don’t stop crying?”

Amy was no longer thinking about what she was saying. She was just firing off her fears, questions and doubts, leaving no room for Sheldon to get a word in.

“What if I get overwhelmed by all of this? What if you’ll get overwhelmed? What if you notice that it’s too much work? That you can’t manage to endure the noise, the smells, the germs. Am I supposed to do everything by myself if that happens? I mean, do you have _any_ _idea_ how hard this first year is going to get?! Let alone with _two_ helpless babies. Wh-What if…” She was breathing way too quickly now. “What if we’re drifting apart during all of this? I-If we’re losing ourselves in this year? The… the lack of sleep and everything will be _just_ about the babies. I… I don’t want to lose you. How am I supposed to raise two children all by myself?!”

Tears blurred her sight and sobs were closing up her throat. Amy didn’t realize how bad she was shaking until she found herself in Sheldon’s warm, steady embrace. He wasn’t talking, wasn’t even shushing her. He only held her. Secure.

Amy sobbed until she was exhausted, clutching Sheldon’s shirts so tightly as if she feared she would melt away if she didn’t hold on. Gradually, her sobs got quieter. Sheldon’s fingers ran through her hair. Slowly, tenderly, detangling the knots he encountered and massaging her scalp as if he was trying to get her to fall asleep.

Amy calmed down. Sheldon rocked her, squeezing her closer whenever another hiccupping sob bubbled up. He wasn’t letting go of her as he finally spoke:

“What made you think that you would ever… _ever_ do this by yourself?”

Amy wanted to dissolve in shame. She wasn’t worth to be held by him so safely. There was no accusation in his words, no resentment. But he couldn’t quite hide the disappointment he surely felt.

“I’m sorry.” Amy sobbed. “I’m so sorry. That message today… that we’re getting twins… I-I should have been happy. Like you. B-But I was scared. I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I have no idea how to be a good mother and now… now I’m afraid that I would disappoint two children at once.” Tears welled up once more.

Now, Sheldon was shushing her, holding her body close. Amy endlessly whispered apologies against his neck and she didn’t stop until he began humming. His chest vibrated beneath her and she felt how the vibrations made her own body tremble.

It was just a simple melody on repeat. His beloved ‘Soft Kitty’ song that his mother always sang to him when he wasn’t feeling well. His wonderful mother, who had twins of her own. Sheldon had told her how that song could always sooth him to sleep and now he was using it on her. Amy’s questionable logic told her that it should upset her even more that something his mother used to do could work so effortlessly while she was still at a loss. But Amy was too tired to be upset. Willingly, she let herself be lulled into the comfort the song offered.

Even the inhabitants of her belly, who also seemed to be a little agitated this whole time, feeling their mother’s stress, were now calming down. As if Daddy already managed to sing them to sleep.

“Amy, I’ve never been a father, either.” Sheldon said just then. “I definitely felt the panic, too, when Dr. Mable told us the news.” he admitted. “But then I reminded myself that you’re there with me… and that we would be parents together.”

Amy squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sorry.” she repeated timidly. “I should’ve been able to remember this, too.”

Sheldon pulled back a little to look into her red and puffy face. “Don’t apologize because you were worried.” he said and stroked the hair from her sticky, wet cheek. He smiled. “When I think about you with our children, I only see a wonderful, patient, loving mother. That’s why I didn’t doubt for one second that we could do this. The fact that you worried so much is just another proof how much you care about our little ones.” He was touching her belly again. “And they’re not even born yet.” Gently, Sheldon kissed the crown of her head. “How lucky are they to have a mother like you.”

Amy was overwhelmed again. But this time the only thing she felt was love. Sheldon’s love for her; his confidence in her. “Oh, Sheldon… you’re going to be a great father.” she whispered.

“I know.” he smiled assuredly.

“But I had doubts.” she continued. “How can you ever forgive me for having doubts?”

Sheldon cradled her face, intently looking into her eyes. “It’s okay.” he vowed. “I’m not mad at you. I didn’t trust myself to do a good job at first, either. I only knew that you would be naturally good at this and I… I figured I would simply learn from you. But the truth is… we both learn. We are doing this together. I’m not going to let you down. No matter how hard it is, I promise.”

Shyly, Amy nodded. She let out the breath she had been holding as sweet relief washed through her. Then she briskly wrapped her arms around Sheldon, hugging him tightly and feeling that he was… just there. Solid. Warm. Confident.

_That’s the father of my children._

This obvious thought filled Amy with tremendous joy.

“I love you.” she told him with as much passion as she could muster, hoping that he knew that this was the purest form of honesty she could speak.

“I love you, too.” he answered quietly, reciprocating the hug. “I will always be by your side. Step by step.”

She let go of him and looked into his calm, blue eyes. “Sheldon, I promise I’ll never freak out on you like that again. You’re right, we can find everything out together and I know that I can trust you. I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t.”

“It’s fine, Amy, really.” Sheldon said. “The odds are good that I will freak out way worse once those two little humans are born. And then I need you to be the calm one, alright?”

He said it almost warningly, as if he wouldn’t accept anything else. But his eyes held a boyish gleam, making Amy smile for the first time since they were at the doctor’s office. “I will be.” she promised.

“Good.” he said. “I guess we always have to remind ourselves that there is generous room for error. I mean just look at Howard and Bernadette… or Leonard and Penny for that matter. Heck, even our own parents weren’t perfect and look how perfect _we_ turned out.” he emphasized.

Amy couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, I guess we’re pretty great.”

“Exactly.” Sheldon exclaimed. “And remember, I’m a twin, too. So, if you ever get scared again, I’m sure my mom would love to give you some helpful advice. At least she managed to get one child right.”

Now Amy was actually laughing. “Don’t be so mean to your siblings.”

“You know, that’s exactly what a mother would say.” Sheldon grinned.

Amy leaned forward to silence his sassy remarks with a kiss. “Thank you.” she said as they parted. “I needed that... talking about this, I mean.”

Sheldon kissed her again very softly and then lingered close to her face. “I’ll always be there for you.” Another kiss. Then he lowered his head to her belly, put his hands on each side of it and whispered. “And I promise I will always be there for you two, too.”

Amy looked down at him. Smiling, she ruffled through his short hair. _Yes… we’ll be fine,_ she thought calmly _. Perfectly fine._

Suddenly, Amy got struck by an idea. “Let’s tell your mom first about the twins.” she said eagerly.

Sheldon’s eyes widened and he let his head drop into her lap with a groan. “Oh, dear. I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Amy laughed and reached for the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to read some of your comments! :)


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